it was easy to recognize. 

you're flying down the highway.  you know a little about where you're going, what road you're on.  it didn't matter the last time you felt this way and it doesn't matter, now.  at first, there might be a nervousness about traffic but it's controllable.  you choose to ride on top rather than in the middle.  there's a freedom in this - you can drive anywhere.  the roads are available.  gas stations are open 24-hours-some of them even have the tasty chemical-laden flavoured cappuccino machines, they all sell cigarettes. 

today i was flying.  just like i did back in highschool.

b-b-breakdown

crying in the parking lot.  i feel it now.  just like before.  CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE.  SHE FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE.  what a cruel thing to say.  and no, it's not okay.  I WANT TO SAY FUCK YOU, LUCY.  BUT THE PROBLEM IS, I LOVE YOU, LUCY.  crying on the park bench.  i feel it now.  just like before.  king and queen.  what a cruel thing to say.  i thought you actually had everything you held.  MY HEAD IS ON THE FLOOR.  what a cruel thing to say.  crying in the bathroom, crying coz i'm dying.  i feel it now.  just like before.  one more notch, one more peg, one more mile on the black stretch ahead.  what a cruel thing to say.  i feel it now.  just like before.  and no, it's not okay.  MY HEAD IS ON MY FLOOR.  oh, maybe i've never really cried before.  never like this before.  I FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE.  oh, maybe i've never really cried before.  never like this before. 

I WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE.  SHE IS TOUCHING HER FACE.

"you say someday you'll change.  but even a fool will tell you.  someday never comes."

i spoke with my girl today.  she was high and laughing and talking about boys.  she's a firecracker.  she's my firecracker, my light in the sky.  she's the exploding stars you see at night.  she finally left her deadbeat boyfriend and now she's learning what it's like to be a magical 20-something in florida.  i want to see her for a day and live in her skin.  her body and i would go to the beach, drink margaritas, maybe go to regge sunday and dance a little. 

i miss florida because of people like her.  would it have been impossible for me to make a life there?  i mean, really?  did i run away because i missed my family?  it's always easier once you leave to think of the good.  it's not so easy to remember the rotting oyster smell, the hateful pm servers, the drama.  would i still be at that hotel?  just another number.  oh...i've been here since the doors opened.  i'm like God. 

right.  and i was the belly of the beast, bitches, and i loved every second of it.  don't think i wouldn't suck the meat right from your bones given the chance.  i would.

she taught me how to do that.

have you ever thought of how fucking lucky you are?  have you ever thought about how really, really lucky you are to know your friends?  think of every prick, pain, laugh and dance in the rain.  you owe your life to these people.  they made you.

say thank you, okay?

I JUST WANNA SING A SONG WITH YOU.  I JUST WANNA GET ALONG WITH YOU. 

i sat down today and realized i've loved her all along.  bad hair days.  crazy name days.  playing all those games days.  all those silly things she wears.  all those eighties songs she sings.  her wooden rings and plastic hoop earrings.  i close my eyes and think about rolling down the windows.  i could still smell her perfume there.  out in the country.  all those wide, green fields.  maybe we could build a home there.  maybe we could be free.  we could walk our dog out to the old pond.  skip stones, write poems, tell the secrets behind our past's lies.  and when night starts to fall maybe i could hold her in my arms.  tell her something sweet like i love you.  we both know what it does and does not mean.  i can say all of this because i know she could never leave me.  she's as much of me like water is to the sea.  i am the air and she's like the wings.  i could open up that door, let her go and see.  she would always come back to me.  she's as much of me like the water is to the sea.

I JUST WANNA SING A SONG WITH YOU.  I JUST WANNA GET IT ON WITH YOU.

I JUST WANNA TAKE IT OFF OF YOU.

Currently Listening Such Great Heights By Iron & Wine see related

when you called i thought you were a ghost. 

lay down, sing to me, breathe me, feed me, sing to me, i didn't know that it would be this way, this cold and unaccomidating, i want to rest here, in fields of gold and green, sing to me, but if you touch me i'll be sure to fade away, it's this fate i've made, this bed i've laid, down on my knees again, and things will never be the same, in the end, it's just that you have to bend, and here we go again, god, he told me, WE LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL WORLD, i just want to eat you, throw you, fall all over you, ALL OF US ARE DONE FOR, she's back here in town again, and i can't stand it, i just can't stand it, I JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE, those things about you, yeah, they haunt me at night, it was easier when it weren't friends, but then he said, WE LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL WORLD, and i think of you.  i didn't mean it.  it wasn't easier when we weren't friends.  come on in.